Head of CIF in ‘Irish people should not talk as much’ shocker

According to Tom Parlon, failed PD junior minister, now head of the CIF (making him the developers’ bitch), international capital is turning away from Ireland Inc. because we cannot keep our mouths shut:

“…we have to counteract the poor perception of the Irish economy that has formed as a result of the flood of negative reports and predictions emanating from within Ireland.”

If that’s the case and if there are any international investors reading (in the full knowledge that I am a PAYE employee of a large multinational organisation and a potential house buyer), the following will occur in Ireland’s economy in the coming 12 months :

  • Unemployment will rise to pre-1995 levels and reach 22% of the workforce by May of 2009.
  • House prices in Parlon country (sorry, Cowen country) will plummet by over 468% in the next three months.
  • Fewer housing starts means that Ireland’s streets will be filled to capacity with wandering plumbers, electricians and plasterers desperately tugging the hems of couples browsing new electrical appliances in Power City
  • A 14% increase in said tradespeople actually turning up for the job they were asked to do.
  • Sales of €110,000 cars will drop below 2,000 a week and the market for iPod-enabled, over-sized baby seats will disappear entirely
  • The National Treasury Management Fund will unlock its doors and, to a waiting press corps, reveal an empty room with about €3.12 in change on the floor.
  • Heads of lobby groups with members rolling in skipfuls of cash will stop disguising vain attempts at pressing for wage restraint when he himself represents people who have made billions of euro off the backs of working people.

Word to the wise Tom, stop listening to whinging property developers because they are no longer making 110% profit on each and every unit which means that Ultan and Dervla can no longer go skiing again this month and get on with your job.


3 thoughts on “Head of CIF in ‘Irish people should not talk as much’ shocker

  1. Excellent stuff!

    Of course you do realise that having read your piece I won’t rest until I get my hands on an iPod-enabled over-sized baby seat.

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