World Exclusive – iPhone to run British economy


In an exclusive* webcast with 73man last night, Apple** has arranged a deal with incoming UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown for the new iPhone to run the world’s fifth largest economy. Steve Jobs told 73man*** that the traditional announcement of his ‘one more thing’ feature at the end of his most recent keynote was delayed due to ‘those b@stards in Redmond.’ This is a reference to Microsfot’s long standing agreement with the governor of the Bank of England to run the British economy from a single Windows ME-powered PC stored near the Washington city.

The iPhone is being hailed as the next step forward in phone / camera / web browsing / iPod integration and opening up a new front in the war to mix software and hardware in one seamless box, going forward. Sudanese government soldiers pillaging and raping in Darfur were said to be ‘ecstatic’ at the announcement that the iPhone was finally to be released Friday, adding tenderly “this will allow us to keep in touch in the field when out slaughtering innocent men, women and children.” Running the UK’s economy at this time is touted as the iPhone’s ‘killer app’ The $1 Apple exec expects running the UK economy to be the main feature for many of its users, if they can get reception, rounding off his webcast with a single word: ‘boom’. Youtube and Safari for the iPhone were revealed as new features earlier this month, wowing many commentators who expected merely calculator and world clock functions for the new interweb thingy.

Gordon Brown, as new UK PM, has decided to dissolve the Treasury forthwith. In doing so he has destroyed a 254 year tradition in favour of a $500 toy for executives who are expected to get really really neurotic over getting the glass frontage scratched. Handing over one of the world’s most lucrative economies to an Apple serverfarm in California was not an easy step for the Scot, 75, because of his commitment to “keeping something low and something else high over the coming years now that Tony’s gone”. At the time of publication, Twenty Major could not be contacted for comment although a source close to him stated that “you’re all a bunch of fucking cnuts”.

* non-existent
** definitely not Apple Inc. of Cupertino California
*** he didn’t really

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