There’s only one kind of junk mail that I can tolerate and that’s menus for takeaways. These are essential if one is to maintain one’s sanity in the ever difficult battle against weekend supplement, guilt-driven, lifestyle sections of newspapers proclaiming that you are nobody unless you grow your own vegetables on your own plot using your own shite as compost.
Last week 73man Towers received a resealable plastic bag full of brochures and whatnot telling me of the advantages of using a service called Kleeneze. Ms 73man left in the hallway up against the patio door. I picked it up a few days later and without reading it, separated the plastic bag from its contents and disposed in the least environmentally destructive way possible. Apparently this was the wrong thing to do.
Last night, about 10 minutes after a friend of mine left having eaten all of the bread and butter pudding I’d made earlier , there was a ring on the doorbell. This was just before 10pm, it was dark, I’d had a few glasses of wine, penalties loomed in Anfield. I made the mistake of going to the door thinking it was my friend returning ‘cos he’d forgotten to tell me once again that the pudding was fantastic. At the door though was a mid-to-late 20s, Liverpool strip-wearing man (LSWM) holding a Kleeneze bag.
LSWM: last week you might have received a bag with these Kleeneze brochures in it.
Me: yes, I remember that.
LSWM: I’m here to collect it and…
Me: no, we’re not interested in this, sorry.
LSWM: can i have the pack back please? I had to buy it.
Me: I think it is in my green bin, I really wasn’t expecting to….
LSWM: I HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT, BLEEDIN’ READ IT BEFORE YOU THROW IT OUT……storms away
Me: Ummm, goodnight?
He might have been pissed at having to forego watching his favourite team on the telly but, I was shocked. Didn’t know how to react really. I would happily have fished it out of the dry bin for him and put it back in the plastic bag but he was gone. That was my first mistake. At the risk of this sounding like Jon Ronson‘s columns: I told Ms 73man what happened. That was my second mistake: “place yourself in his shoes”, “did you not think to read it before you threw it away?”, “do you not think that I left it there for a reason…”. I am not sure but I suspect that Ms73man had not thought about said bag of promotional material from one end of the week to to the next but however.
I live and learn.